A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, ”We don’t serve your kind.” The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, ”Weren’t you just in here?” The rope replies, ”No, I’m a frayed knot.”

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Two guys walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.

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A termite walks into a bar and asks, ”Is the bartender here?”

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A corn stalk walks into a bar.
The bartender says, ”Wanna hear a good joke?”
The corn stalk says, ”I’m all ears!”

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, ”What’s that for?” The pirate responds, ”Aarrr, its driving me nuts”.

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Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, ”Olive or twist?”

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A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, ”You can come in, but don’t start anything!”

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A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, ”Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Dela

How did the programmer die in the shower?
He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

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From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary:

Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.

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One hundred little bugs in the code
One hundred little bugs.
Fix a bug, link the fix in,
One hundred little bugs in the code.

Dela

1.  11 Weirdest Collaborations Between Rappers and Non-Rappers Ever
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3. 11 Most Hilariously Awful Rhymes in Music History
4. 11 Best Rap Graphs
5. 11 Ridiculous Signs That Always Make Me Laugh
6. 11 Spectacular Accidentally Pornographic Photos
7. 11 Lamest Sports Injuries Ever
8. 11 Strangest Former Olympic Sports
9. 11 Craziest Kim Jong-Il Moments
10. 11 Strangest College Majors
11. 11 Things The Bible Bans, But You Do Anyway

Dela

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A- flat minor.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Dela

Vad man får om man ber Max om ett glas med cola i.

Dela

SOCIALISM
You have two cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have two cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have two cows. The state takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Fler och lite mer uppdaterade kor hos Irishtimes. Muu.

Dela

Vic?

Dela

Enligt en ny SIFO-undersökning är tre av fyra personer 75% av befolkningen.

Dela

Vinterdäck

Dela

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_B5UrI7nAI[/youtube]

Jaja, jag vet att jag är sen.

Via Tyskungen och Silverfisken, bland annat.

Dela

Jag och någon som inte får nämnas vid namn sitter i bilen. På radion spelas ”It’s raining men”. Vi sjunger med, och NN gör en egen liten andrastämma.

Jag: Humidity is rising…
NN: Riiisning!
Jag: Barometer’s getting low…
NN: Looooow!
Jag: Accordning to all sources…
NN: Sausage!

Dela